The cost of divorce

The costs of obtaining a divorce are staggering. The payments - which are not exhausted during the night or a month - can be crippling financially. It could be years before returning to his feet.

For celebrities and members of the upper classes, they would gladly pay for expensive lawyers and financial managers to get rid of a partner who has proven to be more of a liability than an asset. It 'was nice while it lasted, but people want to get on with their lives. They pick up the pieces and start again.

When we think of the cost of divorce, our first impulse is to see dollars and cents dancing in our heads and we reel from the bills that land in our inboxes. The financial framework may seem like the same ugly divorce. But not only the money that is the thorny issue. There is another type of cost that is equally disconcerting. And devastating.

This cost is the toll on individual emotional divorce. No wonder many of them come from a divorce to 100% different. Their feelings and attitudes have taken a turn at 360 degrees so that when they finally leave the classroom or in the offices of their lawyer, they can not begin to understand what really hit them.

Your heart is with the man in Alcoholics Anonymous who says that after the divorce, she lost everything - work, wife and children, his house - and bitterly, saying "I'm me. I do not know where I was or where I'm going. "

Both financial and psychological costs of divorce generate such devastating results that will last a long, sometimes stop and think and wonder, "was getting a divorce is really worth?"

Cost of Divorce: the emotional aspect
Can you imagine yourself to be a changed person all because of a divorce? The change is probably too mild a word. Let transformed or transformed. He has the innocence of youth that have disappeared completely lost faith in your fellow human beings?

Focusing on divorce tend to forget the few years leading to divorce. Your emotions are very tense at that time. Were stretched so much that they lost their elasticity. Have you tried your best, proven solutions, visited one after another adviser, but your instincts tell you that love and trust are gone and the marriage is over. You first need to end there is not a morsel left in you. Need to preserve what little remains, because, unfortunately, is all you've got to try to build on from scratch. Staying in marriage only without that tiny, tiny chance to find happiness again.

Meanwhile, you know what happened to you, your soul and the elements that once defined?

Perhaps the best way to illustrate the emotional cost of divorce is to look at some examples of "wounded" husbands and wives, whose emotions had changed since they were married until their divorce.

Case # 1: Honey, I have a headache.

HE: At first I said it was just tired and stressed to look after children all day. But then he began to refuse sex more often. This made me feel that I am unattractive and have lost the ability to excite her. I mean, the point of getting married is to have a partner for life, but my wife does not respond and is not interested in sex. It makes you wonder about the whole monogamy issue. Can not you see I'm sick of his constant refusal? If you do not love me anymore?

SHE: Do you expect me to be there ready for him. I feel that is more like a machine - which can turn on and off - gets what he wants and when he turns his back. I feel so cheap, so loved that I'd refuse his advances to make love endure his mechanics. I am ready to throw in the towel. I prefer someone who is less physically demanding.

Case # 2: Help, sinking our bank account's!

SHE: I realize that is important for a rainy day. I agreed to be thrifty and spent years in self-deprivation. I work so it's not as if I'm spending his money. I contribute to family expenses, but every time I buy a dress or a bottle of my favorite perfume, makes me feel like I have lost all sense of money and I do not care for our future. I resent the way as he tries to save me. For me, the money would be saved and spent. I want to have more control over my money. And 'interfere in an area where no interfering activities.

HIM: I'm trying to emulate my father. We were not very rich, but because he has saved in a consistent manner, is able to provide for his family adequately, and my mother did not need to find work after his death. I see lots of our friends who then failed because he must always have the latest gadgets. All those cars, bikes, iPods, cell phones, swimming pools, club memberships, eating out - they are all a drain on your savings. My wife believes in instant gratification. I still say that is the sure way to financial ruin. She is completely ignorant about what our life will be like when we retire - and with increasing health care costs ...

Case # 3: I'm not good enough for him. He criticizes my lack of knowledge and he says they are ignorant

SHE: I feel like I'm under a microscope. My questions as if I am a disappointment to school. He forces me to read books I do not like magazines and brings home who expect me to read so when he asks me, I can come up with a decent answer. He says he admires his colleagues in the office who are lawyers. He calls me dumb blond when my hair is not even blonde. He makes me laugh with "you could have at least finished high school. Not even know what is happening in the world." Then finally the last straw was when he Said did not want our children to be as ignorant as me. At that moment I decided I was not going to take any verbal abuse from him - he killed my spirit, but I was not going to let him kill what's left of me.

HE: My wife is so lazy and unambitious. Here we are living in one of the largest cities in North America and she will do nothing to educate herself. Our community offers all types of self-improvement courses and I told her time and again how important it is to learn new things Could have a decent conversation. But she is content at home, caring for children. Will not even take the newspaper. I realized that was about to marry a person who lacked a bit 'initiative, which I did not know then was I marry someone who was lazy.

From the three cases mentioned above, one can sum up the emotional cost of divorce thus:

Death of love and loss of respect, isolation, insecurity, low self-esteem, depression and anxiety, distrust, cynicism, intolerance, anger, bitterness and sense of inadequacy.

Over time, if these imbalances do not receive psychological care and attention they need, the emotional cost of divorce could result in medical costs as well. For example, when one spouse falls into a depression, then counseling will be an added expense. When the fighting and bickering drives someone to alcoholism or drug abuse, rehabilitation expenses should be taken in.

Cost of Divorce: the financial
Before sending your divorce papers, think twice, thrice, four times. Talk with family and friends. See how their divorce behind them economically. When you say the numbers, you might want to reconsider.

Now, if you're not willing to reconsider and if you want a divorce, the most economical way is the do-it-yourself divorce, but if we did homework or due diligence, there is a chance you could end up with the short stick. If your spouse is more informed than you on issues such as alimony, child support and division of marital assets, you may not always be the only part of your business.

Another alternative is Collaborative divorce when your spouse's lawyer and the lawyer tries to finalize the divorce in the friendliest of terms.

What we talked about really does not address the question of what is going to cost financially.

We will start with legal costs. This is where you realize that words are cheap. Keep in mind that a lawyer will charge not only the number of minutes talking with you in his office and the telephone, he charged for searching case law, administrative costs such as stationery, courier services, court fees, filing fees , paralegal's fees and others. Indeed it could be billing more time without you time with you. He has to write the minutes, on motions and affidavits.

Lawyers charge on an hourly basis, or on a stationary package. North America in hourly fees range from $ 100.00 to $ 250.00 - more in some cities. Boarding fees range from $ 8,000.00 to $ 12,000.00 depending on where you live, specifications and applicable hourly rate lawyer. Some provinces of Canada and the States United States may charge higher retainer. Please note that if you choose to pay under detention, a written retainer agreement must be drafted.

Warning: if the agreement provides strong cede title to your home or substantial liquidity for non-payment legal fees, the contract still unsigned! In other words, do not give up anything you can not afford to lose.

Financial costs do not end in the office of the lawyer, unfortunately.

Your property: properties and assets acquired during the marriage may now represent only 50% of their original value for you. If the divorce agreement, calls for a fraction of 50-50, you will automatically lose 50% of the total value.

Personal belongings such as furniture, clothes, ornaments, collectibles and cars are usually valued at a "garage sale" basis, so you and your spouse can agree who gets what.

Regarding the house, the primary custodial spouse usually stays at home with children, or if the house is no longer accessible to either spouse, both you may want to sell it and split the proceeds equally.

Other costs to consider:

Depending on who get to keep the house, the following costs will be included in the equation:

• Mortgage and interest payments
• Property taxes
• Insurance
• maintenance
• School fees and water

In addition, you should ask your lawyer how pension plans each spouse, the 401 (k) plans (U.S.) and RRSP (Canada) and pension benefits and other plans should be divided.

Add: expenses of children: baby sitter school, medical bills and health, recreation, a particular caution (if psychologists are hired to help children through divorce), accommodation and other expenses.