Often I was asked by my friends whether we should keep pointing to their partner that he / she is making small changes and improvements in their lives because of relationship mastery learning, and if this would speed up their recovery their lovers. In fact, some people were trying so hard to do or force their partners to see changes in themselves that most of the time, just push their comrades farther.
Here are some tips and a simple technique of persuasion that you should consider:
1) People need to feel a sense of power. When you try to save the relationship or marriage, to make clear that your partner They have the ultimate power to decide and that there will attempt to take that away from them. Forcing a person to make a choice or even undesirable to do things from his point of view generates resistance.
Here is a simple technique of persuasion as taught by Kevin Hogan and I used for a long time without compromise: "When someone asks you to do something and you perceive that person to have your interest in mind, and like to have your interests in mind, you are strongly motivated to fulfill the request. "
I often keep this in mind whenever I want my partner to do things my way. I'll try to see whether the other person will perceive me to have his best interests in mind. Most times, after using this, my companion galdly would respect my wishes.
2) Have you seen the movie "Fearless"? Otherwise, take the film a day. It teaches a very important principle, your greatest enemy is your friend, not the people around you but yourself! Whatever you do, or any conversation you had with your loved one constantly reflect and ask: I'm leaving my ego take over? Why do I still want to ask him (her) if he (she) has seen the changes I have tried so hard to make in my life? "
Your partner will tell you if he or she feels ready for a relationship that will most likely not be with you. Always remember that when a person announces a position on any issue or point of view, he or she strongly tend to defend that belief regardless of its accuracy. You might face some resistance from your partner, as what you have in mind would not be perceived in the same way by another person given his current state of mind or belief.
Then, you try so hard to prove him / her that you are actually making changes in your life or yourself?
Your goal is not to care too much to show your partner that you are different, or have done things differently now. In fact, you should continue to improve themselves, develop yourself spiritually through self-cultivation, re-build your confidence and keep enriching your life, for your good. You do not need anyone's approval to do this. In this way, your own light will naturally shine through.
3) One of my readers recently wrote me: "If I lose myself and my identity in the process of being with someone, then I have no marriage, no self." This is insightful.
If you are trying to save your relationship or even rebuild your marriage, you do the best you can and continue to improve themselves, mastery learning relationship with the resources we provide here. Whatever you say or do in your daily life, your approach should not be that "hey, I return to my side. Come, I want!"
Let me leave you in a harsh reality in relationships and marriages, the more desperate you are in wanting to save your relationship, you get more frustrated in his attempt to save the marriage, the harder you try, the quicker you want to push to happen the more you are going to push the one you are trying to recover further and further away.
In short, your desire to retrieve your lover, seems less like trying to recover your lover.
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